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Russian, but getting nowhere

[ website | You're in the back seat and you say to yourself, "Okay, it doesn't matter, anyway." ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[23 Sep 2004|03:43am]
Haha, you fat lards. The people who read this are very sweet, but are missing the point. I did not want to publically display my new livejournal name, but I've added you all.

PS, If you have eight kittens
and they have twenty heads

Oh, yeah, then it's because Grant has eight stray cats(named Robocop, Robocop 3, Castlevania, Land Before Time IV, Land Before Time IIX.. No idea) at his house and two are pregnant. I'm so fucking tired every day. Coffee coffee.
7 answer to the name Amelia| Ameliorate me

[21 Sep 2004|03:19pm]
I am applying for a job this afternoon.

Okay, I guess I am not going to write in this journal anymore.

But if you want to secretely listen to Apples in Stereo somewhere, I don't imagine it will be so hard to find me.
4 answer to the name Amelia| Ameliorate me

[21 Sep 2004|03:19am]
I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind with Smotie and I tried diligently not to feel like an idiot and blubber during the last half hour. I was pretty choked up. What a masterpiece. Also, we ate yummy Chinese food.

I'd really like to see one person deny the fact that my beatboxing skills surpass that of everyone in this ass-fuckingly huge universe. In sheer dope-osity. No, really. Acrapella is on; the sound is going to be pure, unadulterated freshness, and that's all I have to say.

I'm just saying, I don't think even a robot made specifically for beatboxing could school me.
7 answer to the name Amelia| Ameliorate me

[18 Sep 2004|03:03am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

I was writing before about how I don't know how/what to write. Things I wish were different. To see Brandon more, to go to Disney, to hang out with more people one-on-one, to recieve hugs, get a job, buy my close friends suiting gifts, have a picnic, get into college, and know what I'm thinking. How I am sad, but I enjoy many things. Marvelous things. CocoRosie, boys who liked Sailor Moon when they were younger, burnt orange, sleeping, a green skirt, pizza, reading, the idea of certain people, Edgar Allen Poe, cold weather, Pee Wee Herman, and healthy eating. It's sad to summarize. I liked writing about all these things, but now I feel defeated, slightly. I feel okay, really, just a bit tired.

I don't generally like the Orlando art kids, but I didn't intend to talk about that.

I wanted to say my hair is golden.

24 answer to the name Amelia| Ameliorate me

[17 Sep 2004|03:23pm]
Pavement is the only comfortable thing to think about.

Okay, Wal-Mart rpgs aren't so bad either.

I need a haircut and a new pair of shoes.
A new attitude. Tude.

King Kong is playing tonight. Where is my smotie?

Su su sudio.
13 answer to the name Amelia| Ameliorate me

[14 Sep 2004|01:24am]
[ mood | needy ]

I don't mean to, really, but I am ignoring the whole entire world.

I want to lay in bed for a few days. It is really what I want. I want Laurie and I to be nine years old, putting on a play for our neighborhood. I want to play electric guitar so loud that the cops get called. All of this lying in bed. Half-asleep. Who knows if I even make it to sleep. I quit debating it.

Actually, I've no idea what I'm ignoring.

3 answer to the name Amelia| Ameliorate me

I am right all the time [10 Sep 2004|05:17pm]
[ mood | sexually frustrated ]

Brandon and I went to see Garden State. I don't have much to complain about. It seems very honest. It was so short. I like the way it was directed. The shots from above were really awesome. That is the only part worth seeing in a theater. I wanted to cry because the ending song was so good. I used to like Frou Frou a lot.

My question is: If you had the ability to fly, and could only do it once, what setting would you choose?

I decided that I would float around the inside of a movie theater. I'd like to float near the projector, listening to the click of the reel turning.

I hate paintings. And I'm going to steal Mates of State's keyboard voice. It reminds me of winter and the Virgin Suicides.

I'm moving somewhere with mountains

6 answer to the name Amelia| Ameliorate me

[10 Sep 2004|03:16am]

I don't want to live through winter.

I have this game for you all. Please play. Together, we will make a statement. It starts, "One day.."

Now you finish.
10 answer to the name Amelia| Ameliorate me

[09 Sep 2004|01:11pm]
[ mood | there might be butterflies ]

I'm in the mood to be at the Social. Would any of you like to see the Trachtenburg Family with me this time? I would be much happier if Brandon and I went to Disney soon. I think about it a lot, and I wish the weather would get better so there could be more of that and less of video games indoors. Unless the weather is enough to blow us away. I stayed with Paul and Grant(who are both very awesome) for two nights during the hurricane. Pretty normal--Grathgar slayed Frances, I hate Mario Party, I hate Dreamcast, Lil' Brittle, made pasta, Mario Party is retarded, my hair/posture is ugly, I already had pizza today, hey there's a spider on your back, and I'm very tired lately.

I forgot how great chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream tastes.

12 answer to the name Amelia| Ameliorate me

[04 Sep 2004|04:57am]
[ mood | nosleep ]

I keep having very good ideas.

I want to write many words on how I love spending time with my boyrfriend far too much, but really, my back aches and I am not happy. I am exhausted.

My hair, it feels good. Feeling real good.

5 answer to the name Amelia| Ameliorate me

[03 Sep 2004|04:34am]
[ mood | fun, exhausted ]

Today, I went for a walk once around the block (lolol) and peered into the lead singer of a Flock of Seagulls' window.
It was nice of Grant to have the three of us over. All of us are grand. I associate with people who are such because I think I am moderately splendid myself. I suck at video games, though. I love video games.

I have enough money for a picnic now.

I am so sensitive. I can't explain it better.

Up-down! Up-down! Choo, choo, choo!

6 answer to the name Amelia| Ameliorate me

[31 Aug 2004|02:14pm]
Fucking o.bat

I can hear my computer thinking about it

Hopefully, Paul is going to rent another Takeshi Kitano film, entitled "Fireworks"(Hana-Bi) so we can watch that together this week. I learned a lot of really cool things from this page and some others. I'm glad that he is a comedian. Zatoichi was funny, among many other moods. I believe that I love him and I'd like to see many, many more of his films.
And I really want to eat at the Chinese BBQ again, with a stop at the Saigon market.

I haven't gotten much sleep because there is a frog in my room. I want to go visit Smotie just so I can take a nap at his house. I'm so cold and tired. I wish I could sleep outside where it is warm. I wish the weather could be better. I feel a great need to write something important. Something that makes people's heads feel light because they think it could possibly be about them. I love that feeling. This song sort of makes me feel like I want to cry. It makes me want to kiss a boy I know and enjoy kissing a lot. He likes to read books written for girls.

I imagine it is hard to watch the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe unless you are high.
4 answer to the name Amelia| Ameliorate me

[30 Aug 2004|01:11am]
[ mood | love ]

I love love love this band. My hair must be Top 10 hair at this point. It looks and feels very pretty. It is growing.
Today was very sad, so I listened to Yes and Mirah in the field with the intention to sink in and the sky was so beautiful. There was a perfectly shaped heart cloud, and I wanted to be in a picture with it. I wonder if I will ever see one so flawless again. Is there anyone else who enjoys spending time laying under the sun? I would love to do that more often, and with friends. The sky never stops being my favorite thing. All I want now is to squeeze a human being.
Preferably a thin boy in a thin t-shirt.

Preferably you.

Now that I have one, it would be nice if people, you know, sent me email. I think I would really appreciate something like that.


7 answer to the name Amelia| Ameliorate me

[29 Aug 2004|05:04am]
[ mood | uh.. bad? ]

The Blind Swordsman was an excellent film (I encourage people to go out and see it if possible), but I've hated every other detail of the past few days so I don't feel inclined to write about them.

TurnOnBattleMode: Apparently I just hold the ball intimately close to my face.
ice cream wak e: There is possibly some underlying meaning.
ice cream wak e: Was your mother round?

ice cream wak e: Having spherical parents would be so cool.
ice cream wak e: Perhaps I wouldn't have turned out so square.

6 answer to the name Amelia| Ameliorate me

[28 Aug 2004|06:08am]
Who spotted the Vincent Gallo cameo in the 99 Problems video?
7 answer to the name Amelia| Ameliorate me

[27 Aug 2004|09:38pm]
The host of Filter has just convinced me that I want to devote my life to EverQuest.
12 answer to the name Amelia| Ameliorate me

[25 Aug 2004|11:51pm]
[ mood | good ]

I like both Paul and Katie a lot. Monday we went bowling, and, last time I wore Alome Bowl's shoes home, so, this time, I returned them. I went home barefoot. I wish Angela had been there, I think. I wish that the X-Men game would not freeze up.

I made my hair an amazing color. I wrote an awesome poem to make lyrics for my band. I am going to let my hair grow for a very long time. My red hair.

I wear a dress
I wear a smile
I wear a lot of makeup
I go to the store

I can't hang out with Luisa and I have the feeling that I'm going to have to take a trip to see her some time. I have the feeling that I'm okay with that.

I know a lot of very nice boys. I hope they all meet very nice girls.

6 answer to the name Amelia| Ameliorate me

[22 Aug 2004|04:30pm]
[ mood | okay ]

My last current mood sounds like an ice cream flavor or perfume.

7 answer to the name Amelia| Ameliorate me

Cue immortal child like times. Separation is divine. [22 Aug 2004|01:29am]
[ mood | soon-to-be saturnine ]

Insensitivity = Ignorance

I can't think of anything more beautiful than a Prelude.

My house got blown away by the hurricane, and now I live next to the tree. Not in the tree--just next to it. We thought it would have been sweet to build a home out of flowers, but now our nest has been distributed equally over the roofs of my neighbors. They've cleaned all other debris by now, but I told them I like the way the petals look when the sunlight hits them, and I don't think they have the heart to take that away from me. One good thing that came of this is that the hurricane swept my mother away, so I won't have to deal with her anymore. Avante! Good riddance! I've spent my time mostly with Brandon. It has been priceless. We went to the grocery store and bought food from an isle with Indian food. We purchased Mate soda. It has no aftertaste. I cooked him vermicelli and he called me a butter nazi. We watched Edward Scissorhands. We had a great time together. I read Breakfast of Champions the next day. I loved it. I may need to read it again to understand the purpose of Dwayne Hoover's character. Next up is Slaughterhouse Five. I spent more time with Brandon, taking pictures, dining, and not being able to let go. The Chinese BBQ accross the street from Viet Garden on Colonial has excellent, affordable food. I reccomend the beef. I am anxious to take a trip to the market next door again. On the subject, while having dinner at Planet Hollywood (in a state of anger--worst restaurant of all time), I learned that the lead singer of A Flock of Seagulls(Mike Score) lives on a small road that intersects with mine. That is the coolest piece of information I've recieved in a while. And also on the topic of things I hate, I watched that movie Elephant, which I had already predicted would be retarded--but I had no idea. That movie was a complete waste of film, and nothing more. There is no beauty to it. It is a movie about something tragic, but not unique, without any content at all. You do not get to know any characters. Fuck that movie. Fuck rain, too. I want to play outside. My boyfriend is the only person near my age that I've spent time with since The Velvet Teen. It would be nice I could meet more people to call me. I could use a friend. All I want is a nice setting, to talk and to listen. I would like to meet people who need that, too. I suppose because of my brain chemicals, every night I randomly get upset about an overwhelming feeling of heartbreak in my chest. I cry and cry and cry, sometimes feeling like I hadn't ever cried that hard before. Sometimes I will think of the lack of joy in my youth, and sometimes I will not think of anything. It has no trigger and comes in waves all night. Truthfully, it has gotten to the point where I haven't been able to write an entry before now, because when the pain is at its peak, it's as though my hands are unable to function. My family does not have the money to send me to talk to someone for 200 dollars an hour, so all I can do is hope for the best and that one day soon I will have enough money to make the pain stop, and that until then I can surround myself with interest and love to keep me "occupied", to say the least. Of course, it gets more frightening every day, and I start to think irrationally, but what's a life between between friends? Actually, between me and the rest of the world. After three years, or longer, of dealing with this as a sickness, one starts to get tired. I am just exhausted. Not sad.

If I had two wishes, I'd wish for health and a friend to call.

Here is a strike between your knees.

4 answer to the name Amelia| Ameliorate me

There are a hundred ways to fall in step. [13 Aug 2004|08:19pm]
[ mood | impaled ]

I just stabbed myself. Like with a knife.

12 answer to the name Amelia| Ameliorate me

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